Party donor writes policy paper that supports business ideals - calls critics 'Commies'

Rapacious vulture-capitalist, asset-stripper, loan-shark and Conservative party donor Adrian Beecroft, asked by the Conservative-led government to write a policy paper, has produced a report backing rapacious vulture-capitalism and asset-stripping.

The veracity of the report, which recommends poking employees with electic prods until they either work harder for less money or quit, hinges on the figure of £50bn-worth of growth in the economy that is being held back by not implementing the reforms Beecroft suggests. Critics suggest that, given the total lack of any evidence for the £50bn claim, any economic theory underpinning the figure and the fact that it appears to have been plucked out at random undermines the whole report. Others have said that getting party donors to draft policy is an absolute scandal of the first water and that paying to push for initiatives that support ones own business model is worse than the expenses and lobbying scandals that have hit parliament recently put together.

Beecroft himself was unapologetic and rounded on critics of his report. "I was asked what I'd do to boost business and as soon as I suggest sacking workers for no good reason, these pinkos start whining. We could really use a Senator McCarthy figure to weed these damn reds out". He elaborated on his own business practices and what he's been able to take from that and add into the report. "Having been stung for £150,000 for sacking an employee for no good reason, I learned quickly that removing the regulations regarding unfair dismissal would be an instant cost saving. Then I could sack anyone who didn't like the way I charge people over 4000% on loans and hire replacements on lower wages in a race to the bottom. And anyone who doesn't agree that that's good for business and employees is a big nasty leftie, nyaaar".

An opposition spokesperson countered Beecroft by saying "I think it is very odd that a venture capitalist has been put in charge of employment law review and yet appears to want to do very little to support employees". Again, Beecroft was largely unabashed in his response, saying "Look, I paid good money to my mates to be allowed to write this stuff so that I can do business the way I want without any nouveau-Soviet ringpiece sticking their oar and tell me it's unfair."