Hunt to be placed in actual bucket of shit

The Culture Secretary Jeremy Hunt is to be placed in an over-sized bucket filled to the brim with shit.

This unusual and arcane practise is rarely used these days, but has been part of Parliamentary procedure in England since the early 1400s. A constitutional expert told us that "the placing of the MP in the bucket of shit was often the first stage in stripping them of their role. Later, it became more of an outward symbol of just how badly they'd been doing their job, but in this instance seems more of a visualisation technique. The placing of Hunt in the bucket of shit will give the public an idea of how much metaphorical shit he's been dumped in by successive News International witnesses at the Leveson inquiry".

James and Rupert Murdoch both dumped a lot of shit on Hunt and Rebekah Brooks subsequently piled more on top. The amount of shit Hunt has been placed in - and will be at the bucket-dunking ceremony - is thought to be a UK Parliament record. "Previously", continued our expert, "the shit would come up to the knee, perhaps the waist in extreme cases. For Hunt, we expect it to come up to just below his nose, if he tilts his head back".

The shit-bucket ceremony is expected to provide a highlight to the opening of the Olympic Games.