Murdoch reminds Leveson inquiry who the real victims are

In his testimony to the Leveson inquiry on media standards and ethics today, Rupert Murdoch reminded everyone who the real victims are. "One or two people", he said during his second day of testomny, "took charge of a cover-up which we [senior News International executives] were victim too".

"Naturally, this changes everything", professor of journalism Dr Daley Mayall of the University of the New Age told us after Mr Murdoch concluded giving evidence. "It's clear that the general consensus on all of this has been totally misplaced. While everyone was worrying about what effect News International's actions had on the family of a murdered schoolgirl, on families of dead servicepeople, on members of the public who have seen relationships break down, families fall apart... We were totally off beam and should have been more concerned for the fortunes of those at the top of NI that have stood to lose far more because of the actions of people who were, ultimately, accountable to them".

Lord Leveson intervened several times during Murdoch's evidence to bring the octagenarian billionaire tyrant back on track as he meandered on long lectures about the pernicious evil of the BBC and Google, lamenting the internet and pining for days when it was all fields round here and you could leave your door unlocked. Asked directly about his ideas for press regulation in the future, Murdoch replied "It's like the time I took the ferry to Shelbyville. I needed a new heel for my shoe, so I took the ferry to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on 'em. Give me five bees for a quarter, you'd say. Now where were we? Oh yeah: the important thing was I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. They didn't have white onions because of the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones..." before everyone forgot what the initial question was.

This was reported to be one of Mr Murdoch's top three humblest days.