France today took the lead in downgrading Standard & Poors' credibility rating to 'junk', a move swiftly followed by a number of other Eurozone countries.
"If anything" said junior French finance minister Jacques Itallin "we've been too lenient on these bastards. We should have done this years ago when they told us that piles of packaged-up sub-prime shit were triple A-OK". Greek spokesman Stelios Lottabusinessloss told us "S&P have lost all faith we ever had in them and helped get us into this mess. From now on, if we want an opinion on anything we'll ask our mate Dodgy Stavros down the taverna on the corner".
An S&P statement defended the company saying "How were we to know that absolute garbage that had been pretty much designed to fail would cause such havoc in the banking industry which forced governments to step in and bail them out? We're as surprised as everyone, mainly because we don't know what we're doing. It's a wonder that anyone ever listened to us, if we're going to be honest about this. Anyway, despite the intrinsic link that we helped create between banking systems and sovereign debt, we're going to try bluffing it out by saying they're separate departments. Yep, that should do it".
The French initiative sent shockwaves through the credit rating industry with Moodys and Fitch both issuing strong statements denying that they'll be next to be downgraded. Industry expert Billy Ocean-Finance told us "it's well known that any two economists will reach wildly different conclusions from the same sets of data, so the other two big agencies will just say something different in order to avoid the same outcome."
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