The Public Accounts Committee today released a report criticising the government for a failure to protect up to five million British homes from flooding.
Capital expenditure on flood defences has fallen in real terms over the last two years leaving communities vulnerable and unable to insure their homes.
Government spokesman Sir Gently Fondling said "look, it's clear where the blame for this lies. It's all the fault of the large number of rivers that the previous government allowed into this country in the form of foreign rain. I urge the Prime Minister to legislate against these watery terrorist bastards and ban them from my leafy Surrey constituency".
A parallel report from the Association of British Insurers also called the behaviour of rivers into question. "If you build houses on flood plains, they may well flood. As we're only interested in betting against things that are at best highly unlikely to happen, none of our members will touch these places with a 90-foot pole".
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