Nobel committee "proud" as former peace prize winner prepares new war

The Nobel prize committee today declared themselves "proud" as former peace prize winner Barack Obama seemed prepared to launch another military assault on another nation.

With Syrian president Bashar al-Assad seemingly ready to deploy chemical and biological weapons against his own people, a world that previously couldn't give a shit about Syria has decided that that really would be beyond the pale.

This follows Obama's 'troop surge' in Afghanistan and deployment of military aircraft in enforcing the no-fly zone over Libya during the uprising against President Ghadaffi. In a television interview, Obama said "I have, at this point, not ordered military engagement in the situation. But the point that you made about chemical and biological weapons is critical. That's an issue that doesn't just concern Syria; it concerns our close allies in the region, including Israel. It concerns us. We cannot have a situation where chemical or biological weapons are falling into the hands of the wrong people. We have been very clear to the Assad regime, but also to other players on the ground, that a red line for us is we start seeing a whole bunch of chemical weapons moving around or being utilised. That would change my calculus. That would change my equation."

This has been widely interpreted as intent to develop a plan to launch military action, something recognised by the Nobel prize committee. "We're proud to have given the most easily recognisable award for peace to someone who is planning to embark on a third conflict overseas and have commissioned a special award to commemorate the expected launch of an offensive on Syria", a member of the awards committee told us. "Should it go ahead, President Obama will set a new record for the number of armed conflicts launched by a Nobel peace laureate, in no way conflicting with the ideals and intentions of the prize."

"It's said that satire died when we gave the award to Henry Kissinger", said our insider, "but this shows that we're prepared to dig up satire's rotten corpse and give it the kicking of a lifetime if we feel the need to".