When the UK government was formed in 2010, the coalition agreement contained the claim that it was going to be "the greenest government ever". These pledges have fallen by the wayside as a concentration on economic and fiscal policy and making sure the proles are as miserable as possible has overridden any other concern. But new figures released by the department for energy and climate change (DECC) show that is now being reversed and the UK is on target to meet it's emissions requirements.
"By wiring government into the National Grid", said Sir Bernard Lightson, chief civil servant to DECC, "we've been able to use the power generated by the constant u-turns to increase our renewables capacity by 20%. This has knock-on effects in reducing our reliance on supply of oil and gas from overseas with resultant budget savings and increasing the security and reliability of supply".
Criticism has been raised that, like wind, u-turn power is intermittent and cannot be relied on to supply demand when most needed. Sir Lightson responded, saying "we believe there is an inexhaustible supply of power to be gained from this source, and with fixed terms introduced, there'll be plenty of u-turns to generate electricity from until at least 2015."
This is not the news
Showing posts with label u-turns. Show all posts
Showing posts with label u-turns. Show all posts
Friday, 1 June 2012
Thursday, 31 May 2012
U-turn tax proposed by Treasury
A new tax on U-turns is being proposed by the Treasury as it seeks to plug the gaps appearing in the figures as a result of the number of U-turns performed by the government over the mosr recent Budget.
A senior civil servant in the Treasury told us that the plan would raise the same as the abandoning of levying VAT on hot baked goods, the reduction in the proposed rate of VAT on static caravans and the reversal of the proposal to allow people of offset tax against charitable donations. "By levying a flat fee on every member of the Cabinet every time they go back on something previously announced", our source told us, "the economy should be back in rude health by Q3 this year as we're anticipating a number of other reversals of their fucking stupid ideas in the near future".
The number of U-turns have left many people unsure where they stand, but our insider unpicked them for us. "It's really very simple. There's now no VAT on baked goods unless they're stored in such a way as to keep them warm rather than allow them to cool naturally" he told us. "That means you can eat a warm pasty inside a cold static caravan and offset that against your charitable giving, but only if you've got a buzzard's nest in the garden. However, a cold pasty inside a warm static caravan is VATable at 20% or 15% if you give a buzzard to charity but only then if the buzzard is cold. No, wait, hang on...." he said as he disappeared back into 1 Horse Guards Road muttering something about having to carry a pheasant.
A senior civil servant in the Treasury told us that the plan would raise the same as the abandoning of levying VAT on hot baked goods, the reduction in the proposed rate of VAT on static caravans and the reversal of the proposal to allow people of offset tax against charitable donations. "By levying a flat fee on every member of the Cabinet every time they go back on something previously announced", our source told us, "the economy should be back in rude health by Q3 this year as we're anticipating a number of other reversals of their fucking stupid ideas in the near future".
The number of U-turns have left many people unsure where they stand, but our insider unpicked them for us. "It's really very simple. There's now no VAT on baked goods unless they're stored in such a way as to keep them warm rather than allow them to cool naturally" he told us. "That means you can eat a warm pasty inside a cold static caravan and offset that against your charitable giving, but only if you've got a buzzard's nest in the garden. However, a cold pasty inside a warm static caravan is VATable at 20% or 15% if you give a buzzard to charity but only then if the buzzard is cold. No, wait, hang on...." he said as he disappeared back into 1 Horse Guards Road muttering something about having to carry a pheasant.
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