There were celebrations today at the CERN laboratories beneath the Swiss countryside as, after months of research and peer-checking of results, they finally found evidence of a FIFA rankings list that has England in fourth.
Lead scientists explained to the press that readings with a deviation of 5 sigma at 126.5GeV, it was very likely that this was indeed a FIFA ranking which had England at number four in the world. "It shows all the signs of being a [world ranking of four]. A deviation of 5 sigma means - in the simplest form - that we're 99.999% sure that we have what we think we have", chirruped ubiquitous TV physicist Brian Cox.
Others were more guarded, especially in light of similar experiments that initially showed particles moving faster than light. "We need to check, cross-check and then check the cross-checking to be absolutely certain", one researcher told us. "I mean, it just sounds implausible."
"We've found this ranking using techniques tuned to the Standard Ranking Model", Tomasso Dorigo, scientist on the CMS experiment said. "A different ranking may have stepped in, but it's very unlikely in my humble opinion".
The finding of the so-called 'god ranking' is said to be fundamental to our understanding of how FIFA rankings are compiled.
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