Big liar lies about lying to parliament

A big fat liar who tells lots of lies today defended himself from accusation that he lied to parliament by lying.

Jeremy Pinocchio, the culture secretary, came up with the outrageous lie "I did not lie" during a debate instigated by Labour that calls for an investigation into whether Pinocchio broke the ministerial code over contacts made to News Corp by his special adviser Jiminy Smith.

Accused by the opposition of having pants which were "on fire", Pinocchio countered that while they were definitely warm, smoking a bit and had what appeared to be flames coming out of them, he hadn't deliberately set them on fire and that was all alright then. In closing and responding to questions about his advisers, Pinocchio told the house that "Jiminy Smith is a man of great integrity and that's why he had to resign".

In an unrelated matter, Pinocchio had earlier told the house that the Olympics were scheduled to come in almost half a billion pounds under budget. "This is fantastic news" said Pinocchio, "despite the fact that the total spent is four times what the initial bid said we'd spend". He claimed this showed that Britain can deliver big projects on time and to budget. "It's something we can be proud of, just like Wembley, the Milennium Dome, all our military procurement and Crossrail. All delivered to time and budget".

Pinocchio's nose is 42".