Russian gold in Predictable Trial Outcome

The final event of the Olympics was won by Russia, five days after the official end of the games.

Faced with a stiff challenge from neighbours Ukraine - who jailed former Prime Minister Yulia Tymoschenko on trumped-up corruption charges - and new Asian challengers Bahrain, for locking up human rights activist Nabeel Rajab, former Predictable Trial Outcomes champion Russia needed a big play to regain their crown.

They found such a play in the Pussy Riot trial, one universally slated as irregular and unfair, on charges of holliganism motivated by religious hatred. The PTO judges scored it highly on the spurious nature of the charges, the lack of time for a defence to be mounted and the concealment of the real reasons to punish the three defendants. All of these contributed to a highly predictable outcome, coming with a high degree of difficulty.

Ukraine took silver with the highly predictable Tymoschenko outcome with Bahrain taking bronze. Both entries scored highly, but fell down on the difficulty aspect with judges saying "there's predictable and then there's bleedin' obvious. Bahrain just weren't trying hard enough to be convoluted. I mean, human rights activist in a Middle Eastern kingdom ruled by an autocratic family? Yaawwwnn".

Russia expect to defend their title strongly in four years time, but are openly wary of some strong contenders coming through. "It's the Saudis we fear most", said the Russian chef de mission, "who will probably lock a woman up for having one toenail slightly longer than the decency police determine it should be. We're very happy to have won this gold, but realise competition is only getting stronger all around the world".

Popular baby names show Olympic influence

The list of most popular names for newborns in the UK released this week shows that the Olympic games had a significant influence on parents. British success on two wheels, on the water and on the track saw sharp rises in a number of names not normally on the list alongside the more traditional Olivers and Olivias.

For boys, the new top ten is:
1. Bradley
2. Wiggo
3. Sideburns
4. Danny Boyle
5. Phelps
6. Brownlee
7. Pendleton
8. Omnium
9. Sir Chris Hoy
10. Team GB

Among those dropping down the list are Boris, Cameron, Relay and Phillips Idowu.

For girls, the top names are:
1. Jennis
2. Ye
3. Na
4. Missy
5. Dressage
6. Clare Balding
7. Ohuruogu
8. Mo
9. Farah
10. Dame Kelly Holmes

The new least popular name is Yu Yang while others dropping down the rankings include Jessie J and Australia.

Londoners marking 100 days to end of Olympics

Events were taking place across London today, marking one hundred days to the end of the Olympic Games with a new motto unveiled to the public.

Community leaders from across the capital came together to launch the official motto of the end of the Olympics: 'Thank fuck that's over'. A press release issued alongside the motto said "this accurately sums up the feelings of many Londoners. People from every borough have contributed to this project and we really feel there's even more a sense of community after this exercise than before".

Community ambassadors have been appointed and were made available to the press at the launch event. One told us that what she was most looking forward to was "them taking that ruddy great missile battery off the roof of our flats" while another expressed hope at seeing the snipers off the roof opposite leaving and going back to base in Surrey.

For the actual day when the Olympics end, a large display of extended middle fingers will be shown towards the armed helicopters that will have been buzzing overhead for the previous three weeks before a collective sigh before a cup of tea and the first decent night's kip London will have had for some time.

Today also marks 35 years until the cost of the games is paid off.