Thursday, 29 March 2012

Minister tells people to jump off cliff - thousands dead

Cabinet Office minister and serial fuck-up Francis Maude was caught up in a row today after saying that people should "go and jump off a cliff".

Panic engulfed the country as thousands found cliffs, steep ridges, high walls and any other raised precipice to leap from. The death toll is already in the thousands with police in Dorset calling for all cliff-edges to be closed to prevent further carnage in the county.

Mr Maude was unrepentent saying his words were taken out of context. "All I said was that if people were near a cliff and hadn't quite jumped off it", he told this website, "that they should maybe think about actually jumping off it before the cliff maintenance operators announce dates for any industrial action".

A spokesman for the cliff maintenance operators union said that their strike threat was about changing pay and conditions. "The panic jumping has highlighted the need for proper cliff-side safety protocols which our main employers are driving a coach-and-four through. The minister's comments definitely haven't helped, but some people would probably go and queue for hours at a filling station if he told them to".

No comments: