Wednesday 27 June 2012

Queen prepares for historic handshake

The Queen is in Belfast today where, in an historic symbol of accord and reconciliation, she is to shake the hand of Deputy First Minister and former chief of staff of the IRA Martin McGuinness.

The handshake between the two has been variously described as "historic", "hugely significant", descriptive of "a life beyond conflict" and "just a fucking handshake".

We asked two-time major golf championship winner and handshake enthusiast Greg Norman for an insider's analysis of how the handshake will go. "It's important Her Majesty gets the stance right", the Australian right-hander told us, "as all the power is generated through a solid base. Get that wrong and you may end up with a limp effort that ends up doing more damage to a delicate situation as it could be interpreted as an insult."

The Shark went on to describe atmospheric conditions that could hinder a successful conclusion to the handshake. "She has to take account of the wind, make sure she good palm-to-palm contact. I remember the 1993 Open championship and closing out my round with Berhard Langer. A sudden gust from the north-east almost blew my hand out of the way like I was doing that childhood prank of pulling it away at the last minute. That almost caused a diplomatic incident, but like the pro he is, Bernhard read it and adjusted at the last moment to complete a successful shake".

The handshake is thought to be a standard three pumps and release, no clasping of second hand over the top and any move by McGuinness to give it the bear hug on the back of it is likely to prompt a swift and decisive response from the security services. "The best plan for McGuinness", Norman ended by telling us, "is to take his lead from the Queen on this first one. If they decide to go for it again, then maybe some extra affectation may be possible. I'd stay away from the fist-bump though. The Queen hates that".

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