The Nobel prize committee today declared themselves "proud" as former peace prize winner Barack Obama seemed prepared to launch another military assault on another nation.
With Syrian president Bashar al-Assad seemingly ready to deploy chemical and biological weapons against his own people, a world that previously couldn't give a shit about Syria has decided that that really would be beyond the pale.
This follows Obama's 'troop surge' in Afghanistan and deployment of military aircraft in enforcing the no-fly zone over Libya during the uprising against President Ghadaffi. In a television interview, Obama said "I have, at this point, not ordered military engagement in the situation. But the point that you made about chemical and biological weapons is critical. That's an issue that doesn't just concern Syria; it concerns our close allies in the region, including Israel. It concerns us. We cannot have a situation where chemical or biological weapons are falling into the hands of the wrong people. We have been very clear to the Assad regime, but also to other players on the ground, that a red line for us is we start seeing a whole bunch of chemical weapons moving around or being utilised. That would change my calculus. That would change my equation."
This has been widely interpreted as intent to develop a plan to launch military action, something recognised by the Nobel prize committee. "We're proud to have given the most easily recognisable award for peace to someone who is planning to embark on a third conflict overseas and have commissioned a special award to commemorate the expected launch of an offensive on Syria", a member of the awards committee told us. "Should it go ahead, President Obama will set a new record for the number of armed conflicts launched by a Nobel peace laureate, in no way conflicting with the ideals and intentions of the prize."
"It's said that satire died when we gave the award to Henry Kissinger", said our insider, "but this shows that we're prepared to dig up satire's rotten corpse and give it the kicking of a lifetime if we feel the need to".
This is not the news
Tuesday 21 August 2012
Friday 17 August 2012
Russian gold in Predictable Trial Outcome
The final event of the Olympics was won by Russia, five days after the official end of the games.
Faced with a stiff challenge from neighbours Ukraine - who jailed former Prime Minister Yulia Tymoschenko on trumped-up corruption charges - and new Asian challengers Bahrain, for locking up human rights activist Nabeel Rajab, former Predictable Trial Outcomes champion Russia needed a big play to regain their crown.
They found such a play in the Pussy Riot trial, one universally slated as irregular and unfair, on charges of holliganism motivated by religious hatred. The PTO judges scored it highly on the spurious nature of the charges, the lack of time for a defence to be mounted and the concealment of the real reasons to punish the three defendants. All of these contributed to a highly predictable outcome, coming with a high degree of difficulty.
Ukraine took silver with the highly predictable Tymoschenko outcome with Bahrain taking bronze. Both entries scored highly, but fell down on the difficulty aspect with judges saying "there's predictable and then there's bleedin' obvious. Bahrain just weren't trying hard enough to be convoluted. I mean, human rights activist in a Middle Eastern kingdom ruled by an autocratic family? Yaawwwnn".
Russia expect to defend their title strongly in four years time, but are openly wary of some strong contenders coming through. "It's the Saudis we fear most", said the Russian chef de mission, "who will probably lock a woman up for having one toenail slightly longer than the decency police determine it should be. We're very happy to have won this gold, but realise competition is only getting stronger all around the world".
Faced with a stiff challenge from neighbours Ukraine - who jailed former Prime Minister Yulia Tymoschenko on trumped-up corruption charges - and new Asian challengers Bahrain, for locking up human rights activist Nabeel Rajab, former Predictable Trial Outcomes champion Russia needed a big play to regain their crown.
They found such a play in the Pussy Riot trial, one universally slated as irregular and unfair, on charges of holliganism motivated by religious hatred. The PTO judges scored it highly on the spurious nature of the charges, the lack of time for a defence to be mounted and the concealment of the real reasons to punish the three defendants. All of these contributed to a highly predictable outcome, coming with a high degree of difficulty.
Ukraine took silver with the highly predictable Tymoschenko outcome with Bahrain taking bronze. Both entries scored highly, but fell down on the difficulty aspect with judges saying "there's predictable and then there's bleedin' obvious. Bahrain just weren't trying hard enough to be convoluted. I mean, human rights activist in a Middle Eastern kingdom ruled by an autocratic family? Yaawwwnn".
Russia expect to defend their title strongly in four years time, but are openly wary of some strong contenders coming through. "It's the Saudis we fear most", said the Russian chef de mission, "who will probably lock a woman up for having one toenail slightly longer than the decency police determine it should be. We're very happy to have won this gold, but realise competition is only getting stronger all around the world".
Government advisers to attempt reverse psychology
Civil servants and independent government advisers, fed up of having their advice ignored or over-ruled, are to try using reverse psychology to persuade ministers that they should be listened to.
After Professor David Nutt was removed from his post on the Advisory Council on the Misuse of Drugs for giving independent advice unpalatable to a previous regime, it transpires today that Education Secretary Michael Gove has ignored the School Playing Fields Advisory Panel five times in the last fifteen months, more than in the previous nine years. Civil servants and appointees to these advisory panels have finally had enough and are to start using new tactics to get their recommendations listened to.
A representative of civil service union PSCU told us "our members are completely fed up of being over-ruled, undermined and sidelined by ministers. As such, we've drafted new guidelines with the help of our members in order that more of their carefully researched and independent advice is more likely to be acted on".
The guidelines show that ministers behave a lot like children, so threatening to deny them pudding should they not sit quietly and listen is one tactic. The naughty step, so beloved of modern parenting guides, is also to be a sanction should advice go unheeded. But these are retro-active, only coming into effect once the minister goes against the recommendations that his/her office is payig for, so the more radical idea is to use reverse psychology to try to get the advice at least acknowledged in the first place.
"The plan is to describe the diametric opposite scenario of the one that the research shows to be the wiser course of action", the PCS representative continued. "So when we advise Michael Gove not to sanction the flogging off of a school playing field, we'll say 'selling that field off and depriving the kids of somewhere to exercise and do sport in the way that the government have said should be available is exactly the right thing to do'. Given his track record, he's bound to do the exact opposite and leave it open. If only David Nutt had recommended that cannabis definitely, absolutely be upgraded to a new class A*, he might still be in a job and sense might have prevailed in the hysterical world of drugs legislation".
Drawbacks are sensed though, with capricious ministers suddenly having a moment of clarity and beginning to listen just as the new guidelines are put into place. "It's a risk", our insider told us, "but would that be any worse a situation than we're already in?"
After Professor David Nutt was removed from his post on the Advisory Council on the Misuse of Drugs for giving independent advice unpalatable to a previous regime, it transpires today that Education Secretary Michael Gove has ignored the School Playing Fields Advisory Panel five times in the last fifteen months, more than in the previous nine years. Civil servants and appointees to these advisory panels have finally had enough and are to start using new tactics to get their recommendations listened to.
A representative of civil service union PSCU told us "our members are completely fed up of being over-ruled, undermined and sidelined by ministers. As such, we've drafted new guidelines with the help of our members in order that more of their carefully researched and independent advice is more likely to be acted on".
The guidelines show that ministers behave a lot like children, so threatening to deny them pudding should they not sit quietly and listen is one tactic. The naughty step, so beloved of modern parenting guides, is also to be a sanction should advice go unheeded. But these are retro-active, only coming into effect once the minister goes against the recommendations that his/her office is payig for, so the more radical idea is to use reverse psychology to try to get the advice at least acknowledged in the first place.
"The plan is to describe the diametric opposite scenario of the one that the research shows to be the wiser course of action", the PCS representative continued. "So when we advise Michael Gove not to sanction the flogging off of a school playing field, we'll say 'selling that field off and depriving the kids of somewhere to exercise and do sport in the way that the government have said should be available is exactly the right thing to do'. Given his track record, he's bound to do the exact opposite and leave it open. If only David Nutt had recommended that cannabis definitely, absolutely be upgraded to a new class A*, he might still be in a job and sense might have prevailed in the hysterical world of drugs legislation".
Drawbacks are sensed though, with capricious ministers suddenly having a moment of clarity and beginning to listen just as the new guidelines are put into place. "It's a risk", our insider told us, "but would that be any worse a situation than we're already in?"
Monday 13 August 2012
Popular baby names show Olympic influence
The list of most popular names for newborns in the UK released this week shows that the Olympic games had a significant influence on parents. British success on two wheels, on the water and on the track saw sharp rises in a number of names not normally on the list alongside the more traditional Olivers and Olivias.
For boys, the new top ten is:
1. Bradley
2. Wiggo
3. Sideburns
4. Danny Boyle
5. Phelps
6. Brownlee
7. Pendleton
8. Omnium
9. Sir Chris Hoy
10. Team GB
Among those dropping down the list are Boris, Cameron, Relay and Phillips Idowu.
For girls, the top names are:
1. Jennis
2. Ye
3. Na
4. Missy
5. Dressage
6. Clare Balding
7. Ohuruogu
8. Mo
9. Farah
10. Dame Kelly Holmes
The new least popular name is Yu Yang while others dropping down the rankings include Jessie J and Australia.
For boys, the new top ten is:
1. Bradley
2. Wiggo
3. Sideburns
4. Danny Boyle
5. Phelps
6. Brownlee
7. Pendleton
8. Omnium
9. Sir Chris Hoy
10. Team GB
Among those dropping down the list are Boris, Cameron, Relay and Phillips Idowu.
For girls, the top names are:
1. Jennis
2. Ye
3. Na
4. Missy
5. Dressage
6. Clare Balding
7. Ohuruogu
8. Mo
9. Farah
10. Dame Kelly Holmes
The new least popular name is Yu Yang while others dropping down the rankings include Jessie J and Australia.
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